Did you know a guy who puts on a batsuit and goes out of his way to torment and terrorize criminals is completely and totally insane? And that same guy who’s a total nutjob also dresses up a young boy in bright colors and forces him to do strange stuff, all for his own amusement?
Yep. That’s our Batman!
Which Batman am I talking about?
Which Batman can be so off the deep end that it would make the most hardcore, dedicated Batman fan in the world stop and go “oh dear god, what the hell is this crap?” Which one? …. Which one?
Yep. Batman was insane from the very beginning. How insane? Let’s find out!
So Batman decided he had something better to do than deal with what was going to be the largest heist in Gotham City history. What in the world could have been more important than being where EVERY CROOK IN TOWN would be at? Did Superman trip over a bag of kryptonite again? Maybe Green Arrow got a run in his tights? Oh! Oh! Maybe Wonder Woman called him up for a … wink, wink, nudge, nudge… we’ll never know! But whatever it is, it’s obviously really important. And since every crook in Gotham City will be there, it’ll be far too dangerous for Bruce to send Dick Grayson in.
Wait. Did I write “too dangerous?” I meant that sending in a young boy into a situation that’s incredibly dangerous all alone sounds like the ABSOLUTELY PERFECT IDEA to me. Bruce will be there eventually. So all that Dick has to do is be completely on his own against nearly every criminal in Gotham City.
Though fortunately for Robin, he’ll have backup once Batman shows up… as well as a great explanation of what was far more important.
So Batman shows up and all the gunmen were disarmed… somehow.
But what sort of experiment could Batman have in mind to show a crook isn’t brave without his gun? And how will Robin prove it? What sort of experiment does Batman have in mind? Oh! I know. Maybe he wants Robin to watch as Batman uses his scare tactics against the criminals as he hunts them all down. Robin will probably take pictures of the crooks crapping their pants… maybe? I mean, this is Batman. He probably has a great experiment planned out.
So Batman wants to prove crooks are cowards to all the kids of America…. all the kids of America… are on the boat right now? Watching? And by having a young boy fighting four grown men at once will… uhh… show every kid in America that they can beat up any criminal they want to as long as the crook doesn’t have his, or her, gun drawn?
Oh thank god. At least the crook sees that Batman has gone completely and totally insane.
Or not. Because… the crooks are going to use this opportunity to jump Batman in his arrogance, right? They see how insane this entire situation is…. right?
Or….. they are getting their butts stomped by a young boy…. I hope Batman’s not getting bored by all of this. Since, you know, he’s on a mission to wipe out all crime to avenge his parents.
I hate everything about this picture. Everything. Batman shouldn’t be sitting down. Batman should never be sitting down in a fight. Hell, how is this asswhipping proving anything to America’s kids? Are they watching this?
I think I hate Bob Kane.
And so after the one sided beatdown, the crooks gave up. Violence solves everything. that’s a great lesson for the American youth… I think…maybe. Sort of? Uhh…. so the lesson here is… in case you can’t tell, I’m scratching my head. Apparently every kid in America is watching this boat and learned that criminals can’t fight without their guns. And they can all beat up crooks…
Nah… that can’t be the lesson… can it? That would be stupid if it was.
OH FOR F**K’S SAKE! I was being sacrastic!
F**K YOU BOB KANE!
At least it can’t get much worse than this….
So…. Batman talks to kids that aren’t there. Gets Robin to fight lots of grown men by himself. Runs off to do… stuff… while Robin’s in extreme danger. Makes sure crooks are still wearing their hats…
(note: all pictures are owned by DC Comics)